FEAR can either paralyze you or fuel you! I am so thankful that I understand that I always have a choice about how to respond to and deal with fear. I can cave into it, struggle with it, accept it, or work around it. I always have a choice, a choice I can make again and again or that I can change based on my assessment of what is best for me.
On Saturday, November 20th, I took the opportunity to "Face My Fear" of the water, cold & heights at the 12-mile Tough Mudder that had 19 obstacles. Half of those obstacles were in the water. For as long as I can remember, I have had an awful fear of the water, the cold, the dark & heights among other things, but those are the most significant ones. I do my very best not to let the fear of anything paralyze me and instead, take every opportunity I can to face my fear right in the face. As my Cognitive-Behavioral Therapist, Rick Baker would say,"If you do what you are afraid of, you WILL get better!"
Drowning in a pool and at the beach when I was a child started my fear of the water. My Father at the time would throw me further into the ocean to see if I could survive making my fear even worse. However, one of my life goals is to complete an Ironman & about 5 years ago, learned how to swim as an adult & competed in my first sprint Triathlon. Putting my face in that dark, cold lake was CRAZY!! I hyperventilated, cried and held on to the raft and was about to get disqualified. To me, that meant failure and something GREAT was about to happen. I got on my back & even invented some new swimming strokes & finished the swim in 29:30 which was 30 seconds before the cut-off time!
Ever since then, I just keep attacking my fears! When the Winter Tough Mudder was announced, I definitely hesitated, but knew I just had to do it. It was an opportunity for me to deal with 3 of my fears. I am a big believer of training hard and being prepared, but there is really no way to prepare to jumping in ICE cold water. The morning of the Tough Mudder was here and morning temps were in the low 30's. Skipping the event never entered my mind, but the anxiety and fear were greater than ever.
When things get this way where I can't think clearly or calmly, there is one thing that brings me comfort & peace and that is prayer and faith! That combined with determination is a great recipe to ensure that I would atleast get through the race. Another key element is the support of my loved ones..Having my sister, nephews, niece & dogs there with me was wonderful! Inadvertently, I would be influencing them to never give up on their dreams or let fear get in the way ever!
The start horn sounded and off I went on my journey.. We started out just running on the raceway and grass and then we hit our first water challenge which was "The Plank"! Oh My Dear God! This was 3 of my fears staring me right in the face!! The plank was about 15ft high & the challenge was to jump off into ICE COLD DARK 15ft deep WATER! Just as I was walking up to jump, a spectator jumped out to pull out a participant that had "blacked out" from the impact and the cold!! I started hyperventilating and crying...All that anxiety came back and got worse when I heard the guy that was pulled out say "That water felt like ice glaciers stabbing me all over and I just passed out"!
I had to step away and take a few minutes to calm down & reassess why I was doing this..I realized what I always knew and that is I am doing this to overcome my fears, to achieve my goals, my dreams and smile back at another chance God has given me to inspire myself and others! I went back up, took a deep breath and jumped off! WOW! I also did black out for a second and starting to swim as if there was a shark in the water! My body was completely numb, wet & cold & would remain that way for 2 hrs! The 18 challenges after that were pretty awful as well. They included:
1.Underwater Tunnels: As if walking the plank and jumping into ice cold water wasn't bad enough, this next water challenge, we had to bob up and down under these tunnels. Holding my breath and trying to go under these tunnels tightened up my chest & I thought my heart was about to stop!! We were only at mile 3! It's gonna be a long day was my thought!!
2.Spider's Web:This challenge completely murdered my arms..There were TWO cargo nets to climb!
3.Mud Mile/s: There were miles and miles of just running in the WET and COLD Mud. They had sprinkles on at all times soaking up the mud. There were mud hills where you could not run up and instead go up on all fours and slide down on your butt!
4.Kiss of Mud: This "low crawl" in the wet, cold & super rocky mud for about 1/4 mile was extremely painful!
5.Berlin Walls: There were about ten 12ft high walls to get over!!
6.Firewalker: I wouldn't say that "Fire" was one of my fears until the "Tough Mudder Fire"! Holy SMOKES! The smoke/fumes from this challenge nearly closed my throat & I felt as if I was in the water again. Almost started to panic!
7.Funkey Monkey: After running 11 miles cold & wet, it was nearly impossible to have enough energy to get through the "Tough Mudder Money Bars" upside down accross a cold lake!!
8.Twinkle Toes: Right after Funkey Monkey trying to have any coordination & balance to walk across a crazy narrow piece of wood on a lake was insanely rough!!
9."Mystery Event": This I did not see coming a mile away! I was about half a mile from the finish line, so how bad could it be? It was a mud pit with PAINFUL electrical shocks underneath!! How CRUEL! I screamed so loud and felt my feet starting to cramp...
As I was hobbling out of the last challenge, I saw a group of 3 girls approaching..My competitive instinct kicked in, forgot about the cramps and how awful my body felt and I started to sprint to the finish...I had NO idea that I was the 3rd female coming in until I reached the finish line and was told "Congratulations! You are the 3rd female"! The emotions of just completed this event took over and I was incredibly grateful!
Thank you to my loved ones and special friends for their never ending support and following me on my crazy journey that also never ends! We all have incredible gifts and have the choice to do something with it! I leave you with an incredible and beautiful quote on Fear as well as some cool footage of my latest Adventure below:
Our Deepest Fear Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear,our presence automatically liberates others.
Much Love,
Patty Boom Boom
"Face Your Fears, Live Your Dreams"
www.patriciaalcivar.com
