~ Life is a long lesson in humility. ~
I do believe that Life is a long lesson in humility. Humility has so many meanings, but to me it is accepting your faults, realizing your weaknesses/shortcomings & striving to always overcome them. Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it.
As a child, I grew up being really afraid of the water after my father threw me in the ocean thinking my survival instincts would kick in, but instead, I nearly drowned. Ever since then, I was petrified of being in the deep waters but as I got older, I realized that the fear of the water was also tied to my fear of life, my fear of the dark, of failure & my most inner demons.
I always admired & loved watching triathletes compete, so about 6 years ago, I decided to learn how to swim. My first lesson was a disaster! I panicked the minute I got in the water & spent my entire lesson learning how to blow bubbles without passing out. Talking about humility! I spent the next 8 weeks learning the freestyle stroke, breathing & more bubbles to relax.
My belief has always been to choose a goal to intensify the meaning of what you are doing, so of course, I chose a triathlon. After 8 weeks, I was ready to participate in my 1st ever Triathlon in Harriman State Park. The morning of the Triathlon, I was surprisingly very cool until my "wave" was called & I was standing in the middle of hundreds of cap covered heads. I had only experienced swimming in the nice clear blue pool by myself, so I felt an incredible heaviness in my chest. Once the horn sounded to start my wave, I put my face in the water & felt everything literally go dark! I was swimming in Sebago Lake which was crazy dark & all my fears came back! I couldn't breathe & started to panic. Within seconds a lifeguard on a kayak came to my rescue & asked me to hold on. He asked me to climb up & take a breather which sounded perfect until he said, "if you do, you are disqualified!"
The thought of failing horrified me more than the fear of the water! The lifeguard also said, "If you decide to go back out there, you must complete the swim in under 30 minutes." I held on for about a minute & went back out there. Everything I had learned in the pool went out the window! I doggie paddled, backstroked, side stroked & even invented a few of my own. My official swim time was 29:45! The bike & the run was a piece of cake compared to the swim & I managed to finish my 1st ever Triathlon! I participated in a few more Triathlons after that including a Half Ironman, but always seemed to struggle big time on the swim. I was discouraged and kind of gave up. I am so used to being good at everything I set my mind to and couldn't understand why I couldn't kick ass in the swim.
I got overwhelmed with anxiety and uncertainty that I decided to take some time off from Triathlons. "Some time" meant about 3 yrs+ and in reality, I was running away from my fears. The water represented so many things I am afraid of & unless I stood up to them, they would always be in my path. Failing doesn't make you are a failure. Giving up, accepting your failure, refusing to try again does!
After relocating back to NYC last year, I decided to start new and accept everything about myself! I mean everything and have no regrets. On my list of dreamy goals is to one day complete an Ironman, but I have to be realistic and take the proper steps and address my fears with 100% sincerity & humility.
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day, saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I got back in the pool this past March with my younger sister with a goal in mind of participating in a Triathlon in July. We encouraged each other through some difficult swimming sessions and it seemed that anytime I was having a challenging time in my personal life, it would be reflected in the pool. The difference this time was my self awareness, acceptance & the courage not to give up.
On July 23rd, I came back to Triathlon Racing at the NYRR Triathlon. I was not perfect in the swim, but I was able to get through it and at the same time, I saw my sister complete her first Triathlon ever! It was definitely a great day of accomplishment for both of us!
Even though I struggled once again on the swim, this time, I was not discouraged and instead decided to go right back in the water the following week at the Central Park Triathlon and it totally paid off! I struggled less in the water, attacked the bike and the run and placed 9th female overall and swept my age division placing 1st!
I was once again very proud of my sister as she completed her 2nd Triathlon ever & I got to "Face My Fears" and take a step closer to living my dreams. This Sunday, August 7th, I will take another step and participate in my first open water triathlon of the year at the Nautica NYC Triathlon which starts in the Hudson River. I am definitely anxious and afraid, but come Sunday, I will not let that stand in the way and as a special friend said to me when the fears creep up, say "Fear, I spit in your face! I trained way too hard for this!"
To me, Triathlons, Boxing, Running and competing in general are all opportunities to learn a valuable lesson to apply to your life on humility, on accepting and improving your weaknesses, on taking a leap of faith and never giving up on yourself and for that, I am truly grateful!
Much Love,
Patricia "Patty Boom Boom" Alcivar
"Face Your Fears, Live Your Dreams!"
www.patriciaalcivar.com
"Most obstacles melt away when we make up our minds to walk boldly through them!"
